Have you noticed how you wake up one morning and are fully committed to a goal, super excited and ready to go after what you want . . . only to find yourself sabotaging that very goal just a few short hours later?
You’re not alone.
Every single day someone just like you has felt SO sure that they’re ready to tackle a goal - whether it’s sticking to a diet, going after a big client, not letting fear get the best of them or setting a clear boundary.
And literally minutes, hours or days later - they find themselves almost mindlessly giving up on their goal.
That’s when the shame spiral begins.
You begin to think you’re weak, undisciplined, don’t have what it takes and on and on. You beat yourself up and wonder what it is about you that can’t seem to stick to your plan?
Others can do it, so why not you?
Well, my dear - I want to let you in on a secret.
One that will finally set you free and help you shift from sabotaging your every goal to going after what you want with consistency and a real plan!
I want to introduce you to an incredibly powerful concept for me personally and for my clients - it’s that of “underlying commitments,” coined by my teacher Debbie Ford.
The truth is that you’re 100% capable of creating what you’re most committed to.
The problem is that what you think or say you want is often at odds with another commitment - the one held by your unconscious mind.
One that is buried deep behind our words and actions and is running the show.
In other words, you think you’re committed to one thing, but you’re actually committed to something else that’s hidden in your subconsciousness.
In order to bridge the gap between where you currently are and where you want to be, you have to uncover your strongest commitments and shift them - so you can get where you want to go.
For example, you might say that you’re committed to being seen and heard, but when it comes to truly expressing your needs, you stay silent and invisible. And if you were to look at your underlying commitment, it’s possible that you’re more committed to staying safe . . . which makes it difficult to ever express what you really want.
Underlying commitments are the result of limiting beliefs.
When you were young, you probably experienced something and didn’t know how to process it . . . so, you made the situation mean something about you or the world around you.
You formed a belief as a coping mechanism and believed it was necessary for your own survival.
That belief was then forgotten, but became embedded into your subconscious mind and became your first and strongest commitment in order to keep you safe. And now as an adult, you’re unaware of the commitment because it remains hidden away in the shadows of your unconscious mind.
So, until you become aware of those commitments and make new, conscious comments, those underlying commitments will continue to run the show and keep you stuck in the patterns that have held you back.
Some of the more common underlying beliefs include staying safe, being invisible, staying silent, being independent, not wanting to be controlled, not wanting limits or not feeling happy.
You hold onto these beliefs because you have a need to stay safe - your brain doesn’t like to feel pain, so underlying commitments are there to keep you from experiencing pain.
But the problem is that, more often than not - you cause yourself more pain.
For example, why would someone stay silent when their needs can never be met?
Because they have a false belief that speaking out is dangerous.
The good news is that you can shift your underlying commitments and bridge the gap between what you say you want and what you’re currently experiencing.
And it begins by excavating and becoming aware of your underlying commitments.
How do you do that?
To begin with, you must be willing to examine the areas of your life where you’re experiencing the biggest challenges or not achieving the things that you say you are committed to.
Instead of believing that you’re weak or judging yourself for your miststeps, looking for the areas in your life where you’ve been unable to achieve what you want can help you identify and target your underlying commitments.
You might begin by completing the following sentence:
“I say I want __________________________, but what I’m experiencing is ________________________.”
Here are a few examples of what uncovering your commitments might sound like. . . .
- I say I want my partner to be respectful and loving, but what I’m experiencing is a lack of consideration for myself and my feelings.
- I say I want to start a business, but what I’m experiencing is overwhelm and not having any time to work on what I want.
- I say I want to put my needs first, but what I’m experiencing is constantly having to deal with everyone else’s wants, needs and problems.
Once you’ve identified the areas where you’re experiencing the biggest discrepancies, it becomes clear how your underlying commitments have probably been sabotaging and taking over - so that no matter what you say you wanted, you’ve been unable to ever reach that goal.
When you examine your actions, it becomes abundantly clear what you’ve been more committed to - and that’s where the power lies in bridging the gap.
By identifying your unconscious commitments, you can now create a new conscious commitment that can help guide you in getting what you want - so that when the old unconscious commitment pops back up, you can purposefully and consciously shift your actions.
Remember, as I shared earlier in this blog - as humans we are incredibly powerful creatures - always creating what we are most committed to. And with this new information on underlying commitments, you’ve now been armed with a powerful tool to get what you actually say you desire!
P.S. If you’d like to explore underlying commitments even further, I have an exercise in my book, Permission to Put Yourself First, on page 54, that will walk you through the process of uncovering your underlying commitments and creating a new conscious commitment to help you get what you most want. And if you purchase the ebook before September 2, 2019 you can get it for only $1.99 on amazon, apple and nook! Get your copy today!