I want to set the record straight on who my “relationship stuff” is for (and who it’s NOT for.)
See, I’ve been getting email replies and posts from my peeps and they all start out with “Nancy, I really love your work but…”
…but I just had a bad break-up/divorce and I don’t think I ever want to be in a relationship again
…but I’m in a relationship but my partner isn’t willing to do this work
…but I don’t even think it’s even possible to be in a relationship that isn’t about putting my partner’s needs first
Let’s talk about these “buts” (that sounds funny, you know what I mean).
It doesn’t matter if you’re newly divorced (or thinking about it), in a relationship (or feeling allergic to relationships) or single.
The New Relationship Blueprint will change ALL of your relationships: in business, with friends, with family, and yes, of course your romantic ones as well.
So, I invite you to TRUST that you CAN do love differently and without doing it again.
You CAN have a relationship that’s loving and healing after the one that fell apart or broke your heart.
Relationship isn’t meant to save you…it’s meant to grow you. The new way of looking at your relationship is about flipping what you previously accepted so that you can be in love and relationship but bring YOURSELF and make yourself a priority.
Ok, so let’s take a look at 3 ways to “do love” differently.
- Stay anchored to who you are and what you want and know your non-negotiables—in other words be selfish! And before you object—I want you to imagine selfish, self-care and self-love are all sisters and that having healthy selfishness will support you in not losing yourself.
- Cozying up to conflict while still staying connected in relationship. By avoiding conflict, you actually create more conflict. Avoiding conflict is your inability to stand in your own truth. Instead of abandoning yourself by repressing or suppressing, you CAN stay connected by having “connection” be the ultimate outcome of conflict…not being right or changing the other person’s mind.
- Have healthy boundaries and honest communication. This is where you get to state very clearly and directly what is important to you! Speaking up for what you want and what you won’t tolerate. Setting your boundaries is simply laying out the map of “here’s what’s ok, here’s what’s not ok, here’s what I’ll tolerate, here’s what I won’t, here’s what I can accept, here’s what I won’t.” It’s not about the other person—it’s about being able to state clearly what YOU need.
This is just a taste of what’s possible when you do things differently! To help you assess which patterns are driving you, take my What’s Your Relationship Blueprint? Quiz and let me support you in making change so you can have the love you desire!