Our core wounds are the deepest, most profound sources of pain inside of us. They stem from our origin story, and we usually attract someone who “activates” those wounds. Your core wounds—and the limiting beliefs they have installed in your unconscious—want to be healed.

That movement toward healing is a drive within us that can’t be denied, and relationship is a perfect opportunity for that healing. After all, who holds up a mirror, reflecting our own wounds back to us, more fully than a primary partner?

The qualities in ourselves that we’ve deemed bad or wrong—the “shadow selves” that we’ve disowned—usually show up as qualities in our intimate partners. In other words, what we refuse to see in ourselves is guaranteed to be called forth in those to whom we are closest. (You heard me: you can stop blaming your partner because he or she is simply showing you the parts of yourself you don’t want to see.)

Before you reach for the barf bag, let me assure you that there is good news here. Because it stirs the pot so effectively, intimate relationship can become a key teacher in our lives. It can actually become a spiritual practice, guiding us toward more awareness and freedom. In fact, mining our so-called “relationship issues” for the gold they contain is the basis of my new book The New Relationship Blueprint.

We want our relationship to have the capacity, elasticity, and resiliency to hold both of us in our truth, in our differences, and in our discomfort—all of it.

If we feel the emotions and look at them with curiosity in order to learn more about ourselves, we can allow the feelings to move through us rather than get stuck. On the other hand, if we hold onto our feelings of anger, hurt, betrayal, or abandonment rather than examining and releasing them, we put the relationship at risk.

By serving as a mirror for what our soul wants us to see, our significant others are our greatest teachers and most wonderful gifts. In relationship, we not only receive companionship and intimacy, but we also have an opportunity to heal our core wounds and expand the consciousness of our soul. Relationship as spiritual path means that we can access a level of healing that we simply can’t access on our own.

If you’re ready to discover your relationship patterns and change the way you love so you can have satisfying and fulfilling relationships, take THIS QUIZ to find out your specific Relationship Blueprint!