Before you can ask for what you want, you have to figure out what that is! To do this, you must “stay home” within yourself.
- You become aware of your own wants
- You start allowing those wants to be just as important as anyone else’s
Another way to stay home is by taking a moment to deliberately focus on yourself at the start of each day. I call this “anchoring into yourself.” You can do it in bed before you get up and again whenever you feel the need throughout the day.
In the past, my first thought each morning was “What do I need to worry about today?” I’ve made a concerted effort to change that habit. Now, I wake up and ask myself, “What’s the most self-loving action I can take today? What’s the most self-honoring choice I can make today?” This way, I’m anchoring my first thoughts to me, and focusing them on my own needs and desires.
Many of us lose ourselves the minute we intuit that someone we love is having a need or desire of their own. We might start out anchored, but someone else’s waves can easily throw us off course.
I suggest you affirm each morning that you’ll stay anchored in you. Take your own emotional temperature before anyone else’s. Ask yourself what you’re feeling and what you want. You’ll soon become more aware of yourself and better able to make yourself a priority.
Once you have an idea of how you’ve automatically acquiesced to your partner’s needs in the past, and you’re more aware of your own wants and needs, the practice begins of catching yourself in the act of deferring to others. If you’re in a romantic relationship, you can note when you do this with your partner. If not, check yourself with friends, family members, and coworkers.
If you’ve been the acquiescing one in the relationship up until now, this new, more self-honoring way of being may need some time to take root. It might feel uncomfortably forceful at first, even naming that you have needs and preferences. Some rigidity may even be necessary in order to overcome the expectation that you’ll always relent. But once you’re more comfortable stating what you want and making sure your needs are met, a balance will naturally be struck. It may be clunky in the beginning because you’re developing a new skill. It was certainly clunky for me. But you’ll get there, and I’m here to support you!
If you’re ready to discover your relationship patterns and change the way you love so you can have juicy and fulfilling relationships, take THIS QUIZ to find out your own specific Relationship Blueprint!