“Me! Me! Me!” says almost no woman…ever.
One of the beliefs I hear a lot is “I’m not enough, and there isn’t enough.” That leads to the underlying commitment to deprive ourselves. If there isn’t enough, and we’re not worthy, that means everyone else gets first dibs. We’re afraid to take our rightful portion.
I talk a lot about how women tend to take care of others first, which often leaves little for themselves. Did your mother do that? If she modeled that for you, it’s a big part of your programming.
My coaching client Pauline says, “So much of my self-worth is based on what’s on the ‘outside,’ rather than how I feel on the inside. I tend to let my husband and close friends have their way almost all the time without even thinking about what I want. I realize now that I don’t speak up because I’m afraid of what they’ll think of me.”
With awareness, Pauline can begin to catch herself, correct her behavior, and make a different choice. Whenever she sees herself starting to take “the short end of the stick,” she can stop and say to herself, “No, I’m enough, and there’s enough for everyone. I get just as much as everybody else. I deserve to have first dibs. I deserve to say which movie I’d like to see. I deserve to choose the restaurant.”
It can start as simply as that, and then spiral out into more important areas of her life. Of course, we all have to make compromises and allow everyone in a group to have their say and their piece of the pie. But we certainly deserve to give ourselves equal treatment.
Another coaching client of mine, Amanda—who identifies as a recovering people pleaser—realized, “I can love and nourish myself and create the life I love WHILE I love and care for those around me.” She went from a high-stress career to a Happiness Coach, and even started a podcast called “The Full Life” to help other people-pleasers nourish themselves first. Talk about a 180! And she’s never looked back.
You can learn to put yourself first, too. All it takes is some self-awareness and the willingness to say out loud…I AM WORTHY!
Because you are.