nancy's blog

Whose life are you living?

Whose life are you living?So much of the time, we would rather stay small and imprisoned than face the uncertainty of becoming who we are meant to be. The resentment that comes with keeping our dreams under wraps may be a life sentence, but it’s also a known commodity. It’s within our comfort zone. In order to stay there, we have to slip into denial, numb out, and stuff down our real feelings and our true selves. What a high cost we pay for that so-called “comfort.”

By staying in my marriage, I wasn’t allowing the full expression of my life to emerge, and looking back, I realize that the marriage was another hiding place for me. As long as I stayed and propped him up, I could hide from what I truly wanted and from all I was capable of becoming. Leaving my husband meant I would no longer have excuses for not fully inhabiting my life—a terrifying thought.

I became aware that my denial had caused an underlying tension in almost everything I did, and tension is the opposite of freedom. In my career, people-pleasing and workaholism became escapes. I kept jumping through hoop after hoop in order to receive recognition and earn a gold star. But no amount of gold stars was ever enough to fill the emptiness of living an inauthentic life.

I have learned that betraying myself can never be the price I pay to avoid betraying someone else. We don’t serve anyone if we are pretending. We don’t owe anyone the denial of who we are.

Mine is not a solo story.

The majority of my coaching clients come to me with no idea of what they really want. They’re in some sort of transition knowing they need to make a change, yet facing the prospect of living life on their own terms aligned with their own desires for the first time is daunting.

Simply naming desires – feeling worthy and deserving of them without worrying about the logistics and implementation – is the portal into the process of healing, truth-telling and transformation.

* * *

For most of my life, I needed validation. I looked outward for permission. Permission to offer myself love and acceptance. I put everyone else’s dreams, needs, desires before mine. I spent my days managing the perceptions of others, projecting an image of perfection. In the process, I forgot something.

I forgot to live my own life. Marriage was a long time to be away from myself.

I didn’t feel loved for who I was—especially not in my marriage—so I believed I never would be. I checked out. Went to sleep. And was awakened only by an explosion of epic proportions.

After the dust settled, I had a choice. I could either stay numb and go back to sleep. Or, I could face my fears. I could embrace change. I could stop living my life in reaction to others. Own up to desire.

And so the journey began.

The journey to knowing, deep in my essence, that I am loved. No matter what I do or don’t do. Even if I don’t do anything I will be loved.

But how? I needed courage. I found it in my body.

My body—flesh and bone—a treasure chest. Its cellular secrets under lock and key until the moment they were ready to be freed. The thaw came that way: an instant, a window, an opening. If I’d left sooner, I would not have been able to stay away. If I’d stayed a moment longer, it would have been radical self-betrayal.

I remember leaving for the last time. I bought a clean, new mattress just days before, knowing it was a last offering to a lost time. I quietly told the truth to someone safe. There was the night I thought I heard him coming for me—first hope, then fear, then resignation. I remember finally asking for help. I remember when I didn’t think all the help was going to help. I remember when it finally did. I remember all the hours around the hours. Those hours building the skeleton of a leaving. Those hours of bone.

* * * 

I thought it was just about a marriage ending. But it was about so much more. Mourning the marriage, but also mourning the self I had been. Making room for the one I was becoming. That one—the new me—who could not go back. Who could not survive in such a dry climate.

Or could she? So much wanted to go back. How to hold that part of me? Simply hold it, and not act?

Uncertainty. The tension of opposites. How, just when we think we have landed, we are actually further unearthed. Ground must be restored, but not through stillness. Stillness will not satisfy. I discovered life as breath: fluidity is the only ground we can seek.

I remember the instant my marriage was over. Feeling like a failure for not fixing him. For not making the marriage work. For staying too long or not long enough. Waiting for him to sign the divorce papers. And also secretly wishing he would break down the door. Come back for me. How the jingling of any dog tags on any dog collar took my breath away. No idea that the last time I saw them would be the last time I saw them. Fun and happiness and pleasure were on hold indefinitely.

But then, a break. An unexpected encounter, a moment of awe. Sensation returning to my body. And there, my breath still held, I felt hunger for the first time.

And I cut my hair.

* * *

Florence, Italy. In Michaelangelo’s gallery, bodies birthing themselves from rough and ragged chunks of marble. “Unfinished Slaves,” frozen in a state of self-excavation. I, too, was carving myself back into life.

Shame and guilt stripped away, revealing my raw flesh. I reclaimed time lost; my unlived life. Forgiveness arrived, tentatively at first. Then—now—in bursts of disbelief. Inhabiting my life completely– no hiding, truly living – is unparalleled.

Once there was a marriage and now there is me.

What do I know, now? I know that happiness, fun, pleasure—these are the necessities. I know that loss is loss and grief is grief. I know that forgiveness is the gateway; freedom and love lie beyond. I know that nothing is better than living my life as it is happening. Meeting the miraculous moments as me—just me.

Just being me is the only thing I ever have to do to be loved.

I know that living on the other side of my greatest fear I can do anything.

Endings and beginnings are kickstarts and catalysts. An invitation to a life I never knew was possible: this extraordinary life I am living now.

And above all else I know that no matter what I do or don’t do, I am worthy.

I offer my heart to you with the hope that it serves as a compass to lead you back to yourself, with an invitation to find and trust your own voice as you dive deeply into your desire.

* * *

I wasn’t living my own life. Can you relate? Whose life are you living? Tell me about it on Facebook.

Risk… embrace it!

You’ll always be jumping—over and over and over.As you make your jump and learn to say yes more often, here’s an important truth to keep in mind: There is no destination. You’re never “there.” You’re always becoming. You’ll always be jumping—over and over and over. And that’s a good thing.

As so many opportunities came my way on the heels of both my big jumps and I thought to myself, “I must remember that it happens this way! If I let go, trust, and jump, I will be safe and showered with extraordinary surprises.”

Even though change can be challenging and painful at times, the risk has always been worth it!

At some point after your decision to leap into your new life, the foundation might begin to crack beneath you and crumble again. You will probably find yourself at the edge of an all-too-familiar cliff, terrified to jump, and struggling to remember that you were safe with ground growing below you, supporting your courage and willingness to change. When that happens, remind yourself of what happened when you jumped before.

Allow the wiser part of you to counsel the frightened part of you. Even if the transition was difficult, recall the many rewards that awaited you on the other side.

Regular small jumps followed by big leaps are a part of the package. In order to risk anything, we have to be willing to risk everything.

Of course, I realize that releasing your fears about jumping into the unknown is easier said than done. We want to know what we’re jumping to. We want an ironclad guarantee about the certainty of our decision to jump. But the truth is that opportunity and possibility are borne in the unknown and uncertainty.

The goal is not to arrive at a destination but to get to the point where your whole life is one big leap. Life is like a video game—the reward for winning one level is an even harder level. You simply become more comfortable with spontaneity, taking chances and the invitation to change.

Life is just a series of course corrections. If you are making choices and taking actions in alignment with your truth, there’s no wrong way to live your life.

So, begin to look for the jumps and what is waiting for you, what you can change and what you can say yes to.

One day soon you’ll begin to feel comfortable outside of your comfort zone and you’ll welcome the feeling of being slightly off balance because you enjoy the growth process.

Are you ready to embrace risk and learn to look for your next Jump? Join the conversation with me on Facebook.

Are you giving away your power?

More personal powerThere are many different ways we can consciously and unconsciously give away our power.

You may be handing your power over to your significant other, your family, your boss…or to a limiting belief that’s held you hostage since childhood. You might discover that you’ve given power away for years without realizing it. That’s because through the lens of low self-worth, we often stay blind to the places in our lives where we hand over our power. When the blinders finally come off, it can be downright shocking to discover how much we’ve tolerated over the course of our lives.

The more worthy we feel, the more we become aware of the injustice of powerlessness. Then, we simply refuse to allow anyone or anything else to take the reins to our life. We want what’s rightfully ours because we know, without question, that we deserve it.

I’ve seen many high-performance women who have “head in the sand syndrome.” They’re intimidated by their own desires, they talk themselves out of self-care, they procrastinate and put their worthiness in the hands of others. They stay when they really want to go.

We’re afraid of what we don’t know, so we hide. We’re afraid of what we might find out, so we hope it will all just go away.

Often, when we fear our power, what we’re really afraid of is taking responsibility.

When we don’t take responsibility for our own lives we put ourselves in a disempowered position of letting others make decisions for us. It might even feel like an even exchange to give away our power for safety, security, love. But that safety, security, love comes at a high price. It means we don’t have a say in what happens to us. We’re at the mercy of someone else. Only when we’re responsible for our own situation do we have the opportunity to make the necessary choices to change it.

We don’t allow anyone else to take from us what we don’t freely give.

Ask yourself:

  • What choice would feel most powerful to you?
  • What would a person with high self-worth do?
  • What’s the most self-empowering action you can take today?

There’s nothing powerful about not wanting to see reality. It’s time to develop the courage to look—powerfully—at the truth.

And it all begins with making one different choice. Today!

Are you ready to stop giving away your power? Join the conversation with me on Facebook.

Ready to give yourself permission to play?

Playing a waste of time?I used to believe that happiness and fun were for other people.

During my divorce, I became aware that my denial had caused an underlying tension in nearly everything I did, and tension is the opposite of freedom. In my career, people-pleasing and workaholism became escapes. I kept jumping through hoop after hoop in order to receive recognition and earn a gold star. But no amount of gold stars was ever enough to fill the emptiness of living an inauthentic life.

My hard work was also an attempt to be good and “do things right.” In my mind, being wrong meant I’d be punished—which, on a deep level, is what I expected most of the time. I was always, always looking for what I was doing wrong.

That truth was brought home to me one day about five years ago when I was visiting my dear friend Cheryl Richardson and her husband Michael.  As Michael and I left the house to get groceries, he tossed me the keys to his brand new sports car, and invited me to drive it. Now, I don’t love to drive, and I hadn’t owned a car in years. Somehow, though, I found it in me to say yes although I didn’t really give myself permission to enjoy it and have fun. We were in rural Massachusetts, and it was pretty mellow, not many traffic lights. I was nervous behind the wheel, but I managed.  That is, until we approached the store and found only street parking. I pulled up to the curb and heard a sound you never, ever want to hear when you’re driving your friend’s new car.


I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t speak. I was freaking out inside, and on the outside, I was frozen with fear. I was so sure Michael would be angry with me, so I braced myself for the inevitable punishment. Instead, he said, “I forgot to tell you that the profile of this car is wider than most. I’m so sorry.”

Now, Michael’s gentle temperament is a gift—not everyone would be so kind if you scraped their new car against the curb. At the same time, I noticed that I had an expectation that I would be punished. It wasn’t too big a leap to see that same expectation was the root cause of my fear of expressing my opinion or allowing my voice the freedom it deserved.

For so long, I had been so responsible and so hell-bent on people-pleasing that I didn’t have much appreciation or reverence for fun. I thought play was a waste of time and that people who engaged in it were lazy or not on a serious path. I thought fun was something to get away with. I have since learned that play is actually vital and healing. I couldn’t even let myself enjoy driving a sports car!

What about you?

Do you allow yourself to let go and have fun?

Or are you using obligation to shelter yourself?

What could you do today to invite more joy into your life?

As my friend Wayne Dyer often said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”  When we start to think differently, the outside world begins to change. Transformation thrusts us into the unfamiliar. We tend to be afraid of the unfamiliar—which we perceive as an abyss—even though the familiar can be uncomfortable or even painful. We are enslaved by our habitual patterns because as lifeless as they may be, they give us a sense of certainty that we crave. But living according to habits is like never trying a new recipe: We miss all the other flavors that are possible.

You don’t actually have to make the leap in order to reap the benefits of a new possibility. All you have to do is start to visualize different options. By willingly considering what potentialities may exist in the abyss of the unknown, you can begin to imagine yourself free.

By November 2012, I had worked at Hay House for a decade, without ever taking a week off. Spending an average of two thirds each year on the road – 213 days was my record, and 73-days straight with just carry-on luggage! I didn’t long for additional travel and, when I was at home, working was an escape from whatever was going on in my personal life.

I had long since maxed out the allotment of vacation days I was allowed to accrue and, since I hadn’t cashed any in, I was essentially losing time and money. And then, Hurricane Sandy hit.

So instead of producing and speaking at our I Can Do It conference in New York City – where our venue suffered significant damage – I scrambled for two days to postpone and reschedule 30 authors and 2500 attendees, and then found myself on the most unexpected roadtrip. Letting those I needed to know that I was going off the grid, and then spending the next nine days camping and hiking through four National Parks was medicine. Yosemite, Zion, Bryce and Canyonlands changed me.

It took several days for me to let go of the worry that the world would crumble without me having access to cell service and wifi in every moment. It took time for me to let go into letting go. I was able to witness myself talking myself out of joy and then giving myself permission to play.

I no longer force myself to do what I don’t want to do anymore. I don’t do anything that feels like a “should” or just because I think would be good for me. I can’t rally like I used to. Can’t just muscle through it if I don’t want to do it. I used to wonder if it would ever come back, that ability to plow full steam ahead into the “doing.” And instead of allowing myself to sink into the reprieve and truly enjoy it, I used to spend a lot of time – a lot of time ­– beating myself up for not letting myself be. That road trip was a turning point into presence.

What beliefs and fears are silently running your life and holding you back from bursting forth into freedom?

Are you ready for a new flavor? Ready to to give yourself permission to play? Join the conversation on Facebook.

Try… and find out what you are missing! 

“It’s not about your indispensability atI was the Event Director at Hay House for twelve years. It was my dream job until I began craving the opportunity to use my own personal experience and more of my gifts ­in another capacity to help others. I wanted to be a coach, an author, a speaker, a teacher.

There was one problem: I had long been tied to the belief that I had to be “Super Woman” in order to “earn” my worth. If I were working for myself, how worthy could I possibly be? Would my beloved friends in the Hay House family still love me if I no longer performed for them as I had done for so many years? Not to mention all the “what ifs” that came into my head—“what if I fall flat on my face?” “What if I end up without a job or a career?”

Buoyed by my underlying commitment to be indispensable, I developed excuses to stay in the job, and thus stay safe. “I can’t make a living ‘only’ as an author, speaker, and coach,” I told myself. My beliefs, excuses, and commitments were holding me back.

It really took me some time to understand that I’m not loved for what I do. I’m truly loved—by both my family of friends at Hay House and the people I know outside of work—for who I am. To them, my worth was unconditional.

Reid Tracy, President of Hay House, has always been my greatest cheerleader and most trusted advisor, so when I finally told him I wanted to quit my job there and he said, “I’ll tell you when you can quit,” I listened. “Stay here a little longer and use the time to build your platform,” he advised. “That way you’ll have a firm foundation under you when you leave.”

He was right. By “platform,” Reid meant working on my “side hustle”—building my coaching practice and online presence, publishing my book, getting some speaking engagements – to be solid enough to make it without the full-time job.

I spent over a year doing that while still working at Hay House, and I loved it. Clearly, my “side job” was what I was meant to do. During that time, I also focused on strengthening my self-worth. It was only by becoming willing to be worthy of the life I wanted that I was able to finally go out into the world, on my own as me, full-time.

In the interest of full disclosure, Reid had to give me a little push. “It’s time for you to go,” he said one day on the phone, not long after delivering the huge news that Hay House wanted to pick up my self-published book Jump … And Your Life Will Appear. My fears were still a bit in my way, even after I had created a strong enough platform for myself. In fact, the first thing I said to him was, “You’re firing me?!” Good thing my sense of worthiness was strong enough by then to say yes to fully immersing myself in coaching, writing, speaking, teaching—to serving from front and center instead of from backstage. Good thing I had the courage to jump!

It was time to raise my havingness level. In order to have more, we have to change our thinking, behaviors, and habits related to self-worth—little by little. As we do that, we can continue to increase our “worth threshold.” By that, I mean what we’ll allow ourselves to receive more and more.

Our self-worth beliefs—that we have always thought of as fact—will determine how much we let ourselves have. We can inch past our current threshold of what we’re willing to have by catching ourselves when we perpetuate patterns and behaviors of low self-worth. Here are some strategies for increasing that worth threshold:

  1. Positive Self-Talk. Listen for self-judgments, and replace them with nurturing self-talk. “I can’t believe I could be so stupid” becomes “I did the best I could. It’s safe to be imperfect. Nobody else is perfect either. I love myself anyway.”
  2. Stop Yourself. One of the best strategies to stop poor self-worth habits in their tracks is moment-to-moment awareness and mindfulness. Once you become mindful of behaviors and patterns that aren’t in keeping with the self-worth you desire, you can begin to catch yourself in the act.
  3. Look Around You. Your outer life is a reflection of the state of your inner self-worth. So look around. Does your environment reflect someone with the high self-worth you’re after? If not, how can you change your environment to be closer to what you deserve?
  4. Bragging Rights. Get yourself a “boasting buddy,” and share your successes without shame. It’s important to have people in your life who are happy for you when good things happen.
  5. Your Own Personal Cheerleader. Besides a “boasting buddy,” ask that friend (or someone else) to be your personal cheerleader. Then, offer to reciprocate. In this role, you and your friend will give each other self-worth pep talks when you find that you’re getting down on yourselves.
  6. Find a Community. The main reason I started my coaching groups is so that everyone could cheer each other on with unconditional love and support. It has turned out to be more powerful than my wildest dreams. Everyone helps each other in unbelievable ways. We soothe one another during the hard times and pat each other on the back when something goes well. If you can find such a community, you’ll be amazed at the results. If you can’t find one, create one—either to meet in person or online. Once again, just have a rule in place that no negativity is allowed!

Yes, it takes work to get past the programming of our childhoods. But it isn’t a burden. It’s something to cherish and relish. As adults, we have a wonderful opportunity. We can choose to base our identities on who we truly are inside—the personality, the essence we came into this life with.

Want more? Join the conversation with me on Facebook.

Are you willing to reclaim your light?

Ignite your light!


we may never know
how we hold
all we can
or how the light catches us
when we are out of breath

It’s a sign of healing
to be feeling again

the real breakthrough
can only arise
from heartbreak

that which ails
reminding us
that it’s always about beginning
and then beginning again

as the waves crash me
i trust the sand
to polish my edges smooth
dissolving denial
revealing real
while courage and confidence
ignite my core

contraction and expansion
let the light stream in
and the stillness
after so much thrashing about
allows the body to wring
the sorrow out

as freedom floods
shadows may persist
know your undertow
as you alchemize the dark
and remember
that you always have
the strength to choose
how to engage

the clouds unveil the view
when you are ready to climb
now it’s time to notice
the miraculous moments
in your life
as they are happening

is the making
of me
and we will walk
into daybreak
from the night
shining our light

Are you ready to ignite the light you’ve been dimming? Join the conversation with me on Facebook.


Get ready to take back your projections!

Overcoming projectionEver notice how the people closest to you can also trigger the heck out of you?

She’s so selfish.
He’s so rude.
She’s a know-it-all.
He’s irresponsible. 

But, here’s the deal: Every characteristic we don’t like in someone else, exits within us as well. As the old saying goes – when you point a finger at someone else, there are three fingers pointing back at you.

We all possess every human characteristic and emotion. There’s nothing we can see in another that we don’t have within.  As children we began to assign good or bad, right or wrong to certain aspects of ourselves. As we grew, we learned what we needed to hide in order to receive the most love.  And, we also learned how to overcompensate for the rejection of these qualities.

When we can’t be with certain qualities in ourselves, we reject and disown them – and then project them out onto others. And then the people around us reflect these disowned qualities back to us. These disowned qualities are all the things you emphatically say you are not.

How do you know if you’re projecting? Projection sounds a lot like judgement. So if you are activated by someone’s behavior, it’s likely you’re in projection.

We’ll continue to be tested until we’re no longer triggered. So, in order to neutralize the charge, we actually have to own and integrate these disowned qualities within ourselves. The soul is longing to be whole…reclaiming, integrating and making peace with these rejected pieces of ourselves is the path to wholeness. When looking for these qualities within, it’s important to remember that we may not exhibit or express them the way someone else does. So, we’re looking for the aspect beneath the behavior.

  • Think for a moment about someone close to you.
  • Now, identify the specific quality in them that triggers you – the quality under the behavior.
  • Ask yourself, “Where is this same quality in me?” (Remember, you might display it differently.)
  • Ask yourself, “How do I overcompensate for the rejection of this quality?”
  • Accept this disowned quality. Say, “I am X.” Not easy, but we can all be X from time to time.
  • Embrace this quality and find the gift it offers you.

I’ve got one.

  • My ex-husband
  • Lazy, under the behavior of not working
  • Sometimes I binge-watch my favorite shows
  • I overcompensated for a long time by being an over-achiever
  • “I am lazy.” (This will probably sting at first – which means you’re on the right track. But you’ll get more comfortable with it as you own more aspects of yourself.)
  • My laziness allows me to rest, rejuvenate and replenish.

Now you try it!

Can you think of a quality, displayed in another, that you’ve made bad or wrong and have decided you’re not that? Remember, we point that finger out when we have trouble owning these qualities in ourselves.

Here’s the great news: You can do this exercise whenever you’re triggered – which for me is just about daily. Each time someone reflects one of your disowned qualities back to you, you have the opportunity to own it bringing you one step closer to wholeness, self-love, self-acceptance and self-forgiveness.

Are you ready to let go of your triggers and projections? I really want to know how it goes…join the conversation with me today on Facebook.


I’m gonna let you in on a little secret…

Stories we tell ourselvesI’m gonna let you in on a little secret…

You know that suffering your experiencing…well, it’s directly related to your own interpretation of the situation.

Huh? What?

Listen. Here’s the deal: Our stories – our interpretations, conclusions and what we make things mean – keep us stuck and cause us pain.

And your ticket to freedom lies in separating out the fiction that you wrap around the facts!

When you can discern fact from fiction, fact from belief, and truth from excuse, you can finally move forward toward whatever it is you desire!

Unfortunately, most of us are wired to create fictions that are negative, disempowering and hold us back.

Facts are charge neutral. It’s the fictions we create and cling to that wreak havoc with our emotions.

Think about it. How invested are you in your fictions and your dramas?
What impact do your interpretations have on the rest of your life?
How have you let them define your identity?

Try this exercise for starters:

The fact is…
My interpretation is…
What I make it mean about me is…
A new, positive and empowering interpretation I can choose to propel me forward is…

Give it a go with a few of your stories and share what you discover with me over on Facebook.

Need to flex your dreaming and visioning muscles?

10528874_sI did my first – totally impromptu – Periscope broadcast on Monday afternoon while I was out for a hike on the Rim Trail in Snowmass, CO. Earlier in the day as I watched my friend Gabby Bernstein broadcasting I noticed I had an authentic desire to as well! In that moment I made a commitment to myself that I would Periscope before the end of the day! If you’re not on the Periscope bandwagon yet hop on, it’s super-cool! You can find me there @nancylevin and you’ll be instantly notified when I’m broadcasting live video so you can comment and send hearts (their version of ‘likes’) in real time!

I turned the volume down on the recovering perfectionist inside of me and hit that “Start Broadcast” button without any idea of what I would say or do.

I received several comments, one in particular from someone asking me for the best advice from the top of the mountain. I said, “Nothing is ever too high to climb. Nothing is unattainable. No desire is out of reach.”

It’s what I’ve learned in my own life – and by coaching my clients through an exercise called 50 Desires.

In Jump! Coaching, we follow a self-nourishing practice that allows us to get deeply in touch with our desires. To make it easy to remember these practices, we use the aptly named mnemonic device of J-U-M-P.

In J-U-M-P,  the U is Urge: We connect to our longings and yearnings as we create and maintain a list of 50 Desires

Moving through the Jump! Coaching Process will activate desires in you – many of which you’ve been unaware of!

Get curious! As parts of you awaken and express their wants and needs to you – write it down.

As you flex your dreaming and visioning muscles you begin to see that no desire is unattainable.

The mind will keep you in a box if you let it, but once it’s free it to roam it can also help us create more than we ever imagined.

This isn’t about waiting for the universe to provide, it’s all about taking action – the actions we feel most urged to take – and knowing that we’re worthy!

It’s been 12 weeks since one of my clients wrote her list, and already, 18 of her desires have come true. When she saw that boosting her self-worth made a difference in her ability to make her desires real, the experience only boosted her self-worth further. Each time we create something great for ourselves, we feel worthy of more.

I’d like you try something with me right now.

Write the numbers 1-50 on a piece of paper,  in your journal, in a doc on your computer or tablet, or even in the notes app on your phone!

Settle in and take a deep breath…

Imagine what freedom freedom feels like.

Allow yourself to be surprised by what you envision.

Really see and feel yourself living freely.

•What what you’re doing
•How it feels in your body
•What’s possible and available to you if you drop the excuses
•What your life look would like if no one could criticize or praise you

Allow your mind to expand and ask yourself:  “How is this free life different from the life I’m living right now?”

Don’t allow your mind to become bogged down with “how” you will make any of your desires happen. Too often, we overwhelm ourselves with thoughts like, “I could never get this, so I won’t even think about it.”  Allow yourself to dream without the implementation plan in place. So please don’t worry about logistics yet! Just begin to name—and claim for yourself—what it is that you want.

Allow yourself to bathe and bask in your fantasy of freedom. This is the foundation for your 50 Desires – and the new life you’re jumping into!

The list can include desires that cost money and desires that have nothing to do with money. The idea is to let your mind fly without censoring. Don’t get up from your seat until you’ve written a desire next to each number. Encompass the tiny wants, as well as the huge, deep, and frivolous.

The only rule is that only five on the list of 50 can be “altruistic” desires for other people. Everything else has to be for the self.

Now, it’s time to write out your 50 Desires in one sitting. Yes. I. Said. One. Sitting.

You’ve got nothing to lose but old beliefs, habits and patterns that no longer serve you 😉

Let me know how it goes! Join the conversation with me on Facebook.


Are you stuck in self-sabotage and self-doubt?

greenFeeling that we’re not enough, or not good enough translates into the fear that we’ll never have enough. Fear of success and fear of failure are two sides of one coin, and our self-sabotage and self-doubt are self-fulfilling prophecies in which we unknowingly make damn sure we never, ever have all that we need. It’s a painful arithmetic going on in the shadows of our unconscious, which many of us never even recognize.

Excuses take our beliefs and run with them. You could say they’re just our beliefs in sheep’s clothing. When excuses take hold, our self-imposed limitations are no longer just thoughts. Our excuses actually stop us cold from moving forward in our lives. They’re always based in fear, and their aim is inaction.

When we tell ourselves, “I can’t,” what we’re usually saying is “I won’t.” Using “can’t” allows us to pretend we have no choice but to give in to our excuses. But “can’t” is a matter of not having the skill to do something, while “won’t” is a matter of not having the will. If we “can’t,” it’s only because we haven’t bothered to develop the skills. In most cases, all we have to do is make the effort. (OK, if you’re hopelessly uncoordinated or over the age of 35, maybe you “can’t” ever become an Olympic gymnast. But I’ll assume that isn’t one of your desires.)

The point is that most of the time we can—if only we’re willing to step past our resistance. It’s a choice to give into fear and what we’re resistant to. Try replacing your “I can’t” with “I’m resistant to.” For example, “I’m resistant to trying to make it on my own.” “I’m resistant to spending money.” “I’m resistant to leaving my job.” “I’m resistant to taking responsibility and doing something for myself.” It isn’t that we can’t. It’s that our limiting beliefs have caused us to make excuses for not doing what we’d do if we weren’t so afraid.

Sometimes, we phrase an “I can’t” excuse as “I have to,” and we focus on the action we feel compelled to take rather than the action we’re avoiding. Some of us use the excuse that it will take too long to learn something new, but if we never begin, we never get there. It’s OK for learning to be slow…as long as we do it. How many of us don’t go back to school because “it will take years!” Then, four years down the road, we’re in the same situation because we never started.

Or, how many of us stay in a relationship too long saying “I can’t leave” or “I can’t make it on my own” or “I have to stay for the children” only to find the years pass and true fulfillment even more elusive.

Our excuses are the way we reinforce our beliefs. They’re how we explain why we don’t already have everything we say we want. They’re a form of self-sabotage because they give us permission not to try. They’re justifications, explanations, and rationalizations. We rationalize our choices and convince ourselves that there are no other options. And the benefit of those excuses is that we get to stay in our comfort zone. That makes sense to the child within, but for the adult, it’s a pretty lame benefit, isn’t it? Stepping out of our comfort zone and living a full, juicy life—now, that’s a benefit!

It’s time to right this distorted view of ourselves so we can stop sabotaging the liberation we’re longing for.

Yes, it takes work to get past the programming of our childhoods. But it isn’t a burden. It’s something to cherish and relish. As adults, we have a wonderful opportunity. We can choose to base our identities on who we truly are inside—the personality, the essence we came into this life with.

This is who you were before you were imprinted with anybody else’s opinions—imperfect, human, thoroughly beautiful, and oh so worthy. Trust me: There’s so much more possible for you than you know! Self-worth is the key. Turn that key in the lock, and open the door. The life you most desire is waiting.

One of the ways out of self-sabotage and self-doubt maze is to put a moratorium on excuses and take action.

Any action.

Taking action to move forward – without being concerned that it’s the “right” action – will open you to possibility. Movement creates momentum.

What action will you take today toward the life of liberation you long for? Join the conversation with me on Facebook.