The Power to Choose

Jump into your new and better life!Making one powerful financial decision—in my case, to consult a financial advisor—changed my life in a number of positive ways. I learned more about the world of finance, got control of my purse strings, and grew my self-worth all at the same time.

What about you?

Isn’t it time to take action toward the future that you’ve envisioned for yourself?

One decision can create a big shift in your life and propel you forward. Even just one small forward step can cause a positive ripple effect in your life and will impacts you in ways you can’t predict, or may not even fully recognize.

Movement mobilizes possibility.

Believe me, before I made the powerful financial decision to hire a financial advisor all kinds of “what ifs” came up for me. “What if she asks me to do something scary? What if I feel humiliated for the way I’ve handled my money? What if she convinces me invest my money, and I lose it all, ending up with nothing?”

As you can see, my self-worth issues were bubbling up, too, as I thought, “Who am I to have a financial advisor?” I still held the belief, “Only people with tons of money and investments use financial advisors.” During our first conversation on Skype, she asked me to share my money story. When I got to the part about my marriage and my divorce, I broke down. In fact, I spent the entire remainder of the session bawling my eyes out! I still felt such shame about how much I had given my financial power away to my ex-husband and to my lawyer. I even felt ashamed for not knowing what I didn’t know. But there’s no reason I should have known about finance unless I had studied it. What an unfair perfectionist expectation I put on myself!

I’m so glad I went through all that because hiring her was huge for me. Making that one powerful financial decision – to consult an advisor – changed my life in a number of positive ways beyond what I could have imagined!  By tackling the self-worth issues that were ultimately holding me back from partaking in my full prosperity, I learned more about the world of finance, got control of my purse strings, completely changed the way I handled my money…and I even paid off my mortgage!

Taking action will dissipate your anxiety, give you more confidence, and change the course of your life for the better in a myriad of ways.

Get ready to take action!

What one powerful financial decision will you make?

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Are you willing to be Worthy?

Willing to be worthy!How do we take stock of our worthiness quotient? First and foremost, we notice ourselves in the act of self-judgment. One of the easiest ways to tell if your self-worth could use a tune-up is judgment. Do you get very upset when you make a mistake? Do you say, “Argghh! I’m such an idiot!” Do you tell yourself that you aren’t smart enough, aren’t good enough, aren’t capable?

Sometimes, that voice of judgment is so automatic that we don’t actually “hear” it, but we sure do feel it. That’s when the excuses come in. “Oh, I can’t join that class. It’s stupid.” “I can’t take that job. It’s too far away. What a commute that would be!” Underneath those excuses is the longing for the very thing we’re pushing away. And we push it away because we’re afraid we aren’t good enough.

Also underneath the excuses are our “what ifs”—“What if I’m not good enough to get that job?” “What if I’m not smart enough to keep up in that class?” We would rather stay safe and small than take the risk of finding out that our “what ifs” are correct.

But here’s the thing: When your self-worth is strong, the “what ifs” aren’t so scary. What if you take the class and find out you can’t keep up? So what? If your self-worth is solid, it won’t be damaged by such a thing. You aren’t going to die if you can’t keep up in some old class! The same is true of that job. If you don’t get it, so what? It’s hardly the only job in the world. With a strong sense of worthiness, we’re much less likely to let “failures” get us down. Instead, we see them as learning experiences that propel us forward to even better opportunities.

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Take Inventory of Your Beliefs

Take inventory of your beliefs.Some of the beliefs that affect our finances have little to do with finances at all.

What is a “belief.” A belief is a long-held idea about how the world works and our role within it. We all go through our lives as though our beliefs are facts. But if there’s one thing I want you to understand, it’s that a belief and a fact are two different things.

A fact is something that can be objectively proven. For example, it’s a fact that I’m a woman. It is not a fact that I’m incapable of having enough money to live an abundant life…but I could easily have grown up believing that to be a fact.

Families often hold beliefs that are passed down from generation to generation. My client Evelyn’s father always said, “There’s nothing worse than a rich woman.” Obviously, this belief made an impression on Evelyn! Not surprisingly, she’s had difficulty accumulating any wealth. On an unconscious level, she certainly didn’t want to do anything to become “that” woman. In her young mind, to be wealthy would mean becoming someone her father wouldn’t like. If that meant struggling financially, so be it. As a result, her worth as a woman became entangled with her financial future. Can you see how our beliefs about self-worth and our beliefs about money can become a confusing knot in our young psyches? That knot stays tight inside us unless we consciously decide to untie it.

Our beliefs about money can also affect our self-worth. It’s a circle that closes in on itself and doesn’t improve until we break the cycle by changing our beliefs. If you grew up in a family that struggled to make ends meet, for example, you might believe you’re incapable of having more. But that’s just a belief, not a fact, and it doesn’t have to keep you stuck in limitation. You can live the life you really want!

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Take Off the Blinders

Pull back the curtain.Whether we make our own money or rely on someone else, many of us would rather pretend our financial matters don’t exist. Or we hope they’ll just take care of themselves somehow. My ex-husband was like that. He always said, “I bank by prayer. I go to the ATM and pray that money will come out.”

Why do we put on blinders? Well, many of us feel like we’d actually be blinded if we looked directly at our financial problems. Just the thought sends us screaming to the bed, arms full of popcorn and chocolate, ready to binge-watch our favorite trashy TV show. Trust me—I get it. I’ve been there. (An episode or two of Nashville, anyone?)

So to avoid being blinded, we put on metaphorical blinders. We continue to live our lives on automatic, perpetuating the same patterns day in and day out. After all, confronting our money issues would force us to confront our feelings of self-worth…or lack thereof.

Uncovering those feelings can feel a little like an archaeological dig. It’s dusty and painful down there, where our unconscious beliefs have been hiding all this time. So we stay in the same old situations because we’re comforted by the familiar—even if the familiar is terrible. “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t,” and all that. In order to avoid looking at our deepest wounds, we unconsciously create situations in which money is a problem for us.

The good news – it doesn’t have to be like that! Your relationship with money CAN be changed, and the first step is to take off the financial blinders so you can move toward what you truly desire.

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Experience Freedom

You are worthy.When we feel that we aren’t enough, or that we aren’t good enough, we also fear that we’ll never have enough. That fear is a self-fulfilling prophecy, in which we unconsciously make sure we never, ever have all that we need. It’s a painful arithmetic going on in the shadows of our unconscious, which many of us never even recognize.

We have to get to the root of the problem, and that means replacing those feelings of unworthiness with a stronger sense of self-worth. We have to do the internal work to right this distorted view of ourselves in order to experience the freedom of wealth in our lives. Until we do that, we’ll continue to subconsciously sabotage the very thing we’re longing for. Ouch!

Take the person who wins the lottery—and promptly loses every penny because she never did the inner work to feel comfortable having that much money. Or take me! I once took financial advice and invested money in a mutual fund, but I was so frightened that I watched the balance every day. Even though I knew how much the market could fluctuate, I got nervous and took all the money out before it could grow.

Once we’ve healed our internal wounds around worth, and we finally know we deserve good things, we open up to receiving more of what the universe has in store for us. We also change old behaviors that have gotten in our way. The more we believe in our worth, the less we’re willing to continue destructive patterns. We say, “Wait! I deserve better than that!”

 We choose our limits based on what we’re worthy of having. When you know your worthiness can’t be given or taken away, you’ll know you are worthy of all you desire. Isn’t it time to replace feelings of unworthiness with a solid sense of your own value?!

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Discover Your Intuitive Gifts

Use your intuition to set you free!Jumping requires faith. Faith that when you jump, there will be a net, you will not be destroyed, that you will sail and fly.

Your first leap of faith is to admit to yourself what you already know. The result is enormously freeing, and is the primary stepping-stone to true freedom.

The second, more challenging, step is to tell the truth to someone safe. Here is where your intuitive gifts kick in. Really consider who might be the best person to trust with your truth. Take some time to journal or meditate on this. If you can’t think of the right person now, continue to be open and I firmly believe the right person will come to mind.

You’ll be amazed at how freeing it is when you tell the truth and are met with the empathy of someone you trust. I know that for me, the truth suddenly felt like a weight I could no longer bear by myself. I had always assumed everyone would turn away from me if they found out. I assumed I’d be left alone. Far from it, when I finally told the truth, I was offered loving support and advice!

By telling someone, I finally allowed myself to be vulnerable. Rather than trying to control everything in my life, I confided in someone else and let them in to see the authentic me. It was hard, but when you choose someone safe – someone who loves you and won’t judge you – they will see your humanness and have compassion for you on a deep, genuine level.

Now that you are truly “seen” – and you survived it — you will feel yourself empowered to take the next steps and make different choices about your life. Again, your intuition and internal guidance will help you move toward the choices that are most freeing.

Are you ready? If not, don’t worry – we’re never really ready. Remember that the process is inch-by-inch, so you can take as much time as you need. (It took me two years to really make the leap of my lifetime.) When you are ready to jump, your intuition, that internal voice we all have, will be an invaluable guide along the way.

When you connect with your intuition, you’ll tap into an invaluable guide for your journey to your authentic self and the life you desire. As you choose the people who create your safety net and make the new choices that support your new life, connecting with your intuitive and energetic guidance is an important tool for self-discovery.

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Understanding Awareness

Embrace your passionsI’m sharing this poem as inspiration to expand your journey of self-awareness by taking a deep-dive into alignment with your passions and purpose.

immersing and emerging

i watch her swim
away from fear
toward a sea
free from restraint

she does not look up
or around
only within
breathing in and out
immersing and emerging

criticism crawls
out of her body
as she glides
into a confident sheath
peace ignites her core

for the first time
she understands awareness
by being seemingly unaware

standing now she rises
her flesh propelled by
bone   muscle   tendon
blood is rushing her
heart awake

all love begins
with self-love
once you know
you are the root
of your own suffering
choose to disengage
from the periphery

harness and recognize
the strength inside
to magnetize

breath is the private mantra
guiding prayer
follow your feet knees hips
belly heart hands
be willing to lose your balance
surrender to what matters most
and dive into the unknown

 

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The Self-Worth Secret

Reclaim your self-worth!In order to truly deal with our money issues, we need to go deep within and explore not just our feelings about money—but also our feelings about ourselves. That’s because at heart, money issues are really issues of self-worth. In other words, our self-worth determines our net worth.

Until we truly feel worthy—deep inside—of the great life we desire, we won’t feel worthy of money on the outside. When we don’t feel worthy on the inside, we develop patterns that prevent us from having the money we want and need. For example, even if we get ourselves out of debt…we just build up more debt. Why would anybody do that? Well, they wouldn’t do it on purpose. . But these kinds of patterns are tenacious because they’re created by unconscious feelings and negative beliefs that took hold in childhood.

In fact, our sense of self-worth is created when we’re very young. As a result, some of us aren’t even aware that we don’t feel worthy inside. We carry unconscious beliefs about ourselves like “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not lovable” or “Other people are better than me.” These beliefs of unworthiness then drive our behaviors in all sorts of ways.

The mash-up of money and self-worth issues starts early—and that’s why we have to start by uncovering those old worth issues from childhood. If we don’t unwind the tangle of emotions and beliefs and fears that got encoded back then, we’ll stay in a dysfunctional relationship with money…not to mention a dysfunctional relationship with ourselves. And it won’t matter how many affirmations we write, or how much we learn about economics, because our self-worth determines our net worth.

“High” net worth is a feeling of wholeness. It’s about creating the life that makes you happy – whatever that means to you. And it’s our self-worth that determines our net worth. At heart, money issues are really issues of self-worth. Until we feel truly worthy – deep inside – of the great life we desire, we won’t feel worthy of money on the outside.

Excerpted from my new book Worthy: Boost Your Self-Worth to Grow Your Net Worth — get your copy right here and you’ll also immediately receive 5 exclusive free bonuses that I created just for you!

Discover Your Heart’s Desire

Get the support you need!Commitment, Accountability, Action, Support. These are the four pillars of any coaching relationship.

It all begins with your commitment to your own evolution. And then, as a coach, my commitment to hold you accountable.

I’ve learned that, in life, we get what we’re committed to at the deepest level. And sometimes that doesn’t look like what we say we want. We say we’re committed to happiness, but deep down, we’re actually committed to something else – like being indispensable, staying safe, or putting others’ needs ahead of our own. Generally these commitments go hand in hand with limiting shadow beliefs developed in childhood.

So check your commitments. What do you get in life repeatedly that you don’t want? Typically those experiences are reflective of your deepest commitments… and you can choose to change those commitments to serve the life you desire instead of sabotaging it.

Once you make a new empowering commitment to yourself, the next step is being accountable and allowing other, who are safe, to bear witness your truth. You no longer have to carry the burden of the truth alone.

The simple act of confiding in someone else is a way of leaping toward freedom. Once you have seen the truth for yourself, and confided in someone else, you have the accountability in place to change your behavior and your situation.

Knowing the truth is one thing, acting to create change is another! When you want to be held accountable for keeping your commitments to yourself, you need solid action steps that move you in the right direction. Change doesn’t have to be earth-shattering, but don’t let the fear of repercussions cause you to choose something too easy.

As one of my clients noted: “Healing takes courage. Hope takes action. Life is waiting for you to answer. My advice is: Keep going.”

And, of course, as you are making the changes you desire, whether it’s jumping into a whole new life or opening your arms to the abundance of your own self-worth, support from others is key. The encouragement you get from a good coaching relationship, combined with gentle, focused accountability to yourself, will give you the support to take the actions you need to discover your heart’s desire. You deserve it!

If you are ready to discover your heart’s desire, working with a coach can give you the structure you need to make your dreams come true. By helping you discover your true commitments, holding you accountable to the actions you must take to keep your commitments to yourself, and supporting you on your journey, a coach can help you move into the life you’ve always wanted.

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Father’s Day

Father's Day

In honor of Father’s Days past, and for my brother who died before I truly knew him and yet is such a part of me, I wanted to share this poem with you.

in the eyes of others

i
walking with dad
by the hand
by the pond
to feed the ducks

lots of black
curly hair
maybe i was five
in the little blue dress
with the sailboat
on it

he took me there
where it was full
of quiet and
crying and
flowers
he took me to visit
my brother

and that is where
and when
i came to understand
that i would never
be whole
complete
or enough
while so much of me
was underground
while so much of me
was removed

moved from family
to home
to garden
where
dead
jewish
children
bloom

he is my dormant side
who wakes
when i lie on the grass
beside him
as i wait for him
to come to me
to come for me
in the eyes
of others

ii
the picture i want
is of you and me
from years ago
years before
you consumed me

i do not remember
before
you left me alone
with them
before you took
so much of me away
before i knew i wanted to go
all the way with you

as it stands today
the picture is of only me
searching

it is only half there
i have always only been
half there
and aware of carrying
the burden of your death
of being son as well as
daughter

the picture i see
is of how i still
love you
once ago

In this poem I share the power of the loss of my brother at an early age in a memory from visiting his resting place with my father. I hope it will resonate for you as you also work to resolve your past and how events entirely out of your control have shaped your view of the world…knowing that you can integrate and become whole again, and that you deserve the life you desire.

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