we may never know
how we hold
all we can
or how the light catches us
when we are out of breath
it’s a sign of healing
to be feeling again
the real breakthrough
can only arise
that which ails
that it’s always about beginning
and then beginning again
as the waves crash me
i trust the sand
to polish my edges smooth
while courage and confidence
ignite my core
contraction and expansion
let the light stream in
and the stillness
after so much thrashing about
allows the body to wring
the sorrow out
as freedom floods
shadows may persist
know your undertow
as you alchemize the dark
that you always have
the strength to choose
how to engage
the clouds unveil the view
when you are ready to climb
now it’s time to notice
the miraculous moments
in your life
as they are happening
is the making
and we will walk
from the night
shining our light
Knowing this: that which ails, cures…
Knowing that it’s always about beginning and then beginning again…
Would you like to learn about jumping into your truth while having support you need and crave?
I am doing a free call on Thursday, October 30th to share my Jump! Coaching group process and allow you to experience first-hand what it would be like to Jump! with me. Learn more and register here: http://bit.ly/Oct30GC
On Saturday I took a risk.
Historically, I’ve been really good at restrictive, righteous self-control and less good at following my heart.
But over the past few years along my journey to finding my own truth, my own voice and my own power, I’ve learned that when we stay inside the lines too rigidly, we stop the flow of allowing. Sometimes we need to burst the dam and let the pent up energy move so that new possibilities and options can emerge where before there was only stagnant, lifeless water.
The next day, I watched Elizabeth Gilbert with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday as she echoed the deep knowing of my soul. She spoke of “the quest” originating out of our questions. She spoke of “the call” – and how even when we reject the call, it won’t leave us alone. We have a choice to answer the call or refuse the call, and how answering the call ultimately makes for a better story. They mapped out Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey – it all begins with the call: “What have I come here to do with my life?”
Tears streamed down my cheeks as Elizabeth Gilbert said: “For some reason, and this just boggles my imagination, there are still just huge swats of women who never got the memo that their lives belong to them. And there’s this instinct that they have that they need a permission slip from the principal’s office for anything. You are allowed to ask yourself some really important questions about your life. You are allowed to take accountability and ownership for your own journey. You’re allowed to ask what serves you sometimes, because I know you’ve been trained up to serve everyone. But you’re allowed to turn that on yourself and honor your own life that you were given.”
It took me years to stop thinking I needed that permission slip. Years to know that my life was my own and that I didn’t owe it to anyone. Years to know that the answer to freedom is self-love, self-acceptance and self-forgiveness.
I want to save you some time!
I know I have come into this lifetime to:
- Help others get free from believing the only way to be loved is by buying it, bending over backwards with people-pleasing – when in fact we are loved for simply being ourselves
- Teach others that permission is an inside job – nothing external will ever provide you with what you’re seeking on the inside
- Support others in living their own lives–often for the very first time–no longer in response or reaction to anyone or anything else, but rather from their own inspiration, motivation and agency
- Model for others that every choice matters (as my dear friend and mentor Debbie Ford would say) – our present moment choices can actually predict our future, every choice we make today is either in service of the live we desire living into, or sabotaging it
- Guide others through the empowering processes of inquiry, revealing, owning, sharing – your greatest gift is the power to give voice to your truth and when you do there is no wrong way to live your life!
On Saturday I took a risk and followed my heart. It’s your turn now, to follow yours.
Answer “the call” by hopping on a free call with me – get that memo and give yourself the permission you need, let me lead you to launching yourself into the life of your desire. It would be my great honor to serve you by doing the very thing I have arrived in this lifetime to do.
Not they way you usually eat them, or the way that’s the least hassle to have them. I mean if no one else was around and you could have your eggs any way you desire, do you know what you’d choose?
As part of my research for an article I’m writing, I’ve been watching an inordinate amount of movies this summer. Most specifically, romantic comedies – in excess
But it seems I’d left a doozy off my list that I was gratefully reminded of last weekend.
After hearing my Keynote at I Can Do It! New York, a woman came up to me and asked me about my Jump! Coaching groups.
I said, “I support people in living life on their own terms, no longer in reaction or response to anyone or anything else, so they can finally access and act on their own truth and desires.” I went on to say that for many of my clients, coaching with me is often the very first time they’ve even considered and explored what they want and like, on their own, not in relation to anyone else.
And she said, “Oh! You help people discover how they like their eggs!”
I must have given her a perplexed look, so she went on to say that that what I shared made her think of the egg scene in Runaway Bride. I hadn’t seen that movie since it came out well over a decade ago, and I didn’t remember the egg scene.
So I watched the movie again the night I got home from NYC.
Quick synopsis: Maggie (Julia Roberts) serially bolts from marriage several times before bride can become wife. Enter Ike (Richard Gere) to call her out on all her shit before, of course, falling head over heels in love with her. And she with him, of course. And the movie ends with their fully actualized wedding, of course.
Along the way, there is the issue of the eggs. Ike’s a reporter and as he interviews each of Maggie’s men, they clearly state that the way she liked her eggs was exactly the same as they did. First guy scrambled, next guy fried, then poached.
When Ike presses Maggie, the truth gets revealed that in fact, if left to her own devices, she has absolutely no idea how she likes her eggs.
Maggie proceeds to prepare eggs for herself in every way imaginable, tasting each one to figure out for herself how she likes her eggs, no longer in relation to anyone else! And the verdict: Benedict!
As goofy as it sounds, I’m so glad that woman referenced this movie on our conversation. It really is a brilliant illustration of how so many of us go through life – by living someone else’s.
So I ask you, metaphorically of course, do you know how you like your eggs?
If you need support in giving yourself permission to finally live your own life – instead of somebody else’s – my Jump! Coaching group is here to help.
Join me and jump into the life of your dreams – if I did it, so can you!
This past Saturday morning I did the unthinkable.
It was 9:30 am and Wayne Dyer was taking the stage at the Javits Center for his opening keynote at I Can Do It! New York. Just down the street, at the Ink 48 Hotel, I was enjoying a delectable omelette freshly delivered by room service, still ensconced in the fabulous zebra-striped robe that had been waiting for me upon arrival.
For the first time in 12 years – the entire history of Hay House’s I Can Do It conferences on this continent – I wasn’t producing and emceeing the event, I wasn’t introducing Wayne. I was no longer the one everybody turned to. I had, in fact, turned that responsibility and privilege over.
I was no longer the one and only one. I was no longer needed. And that was a good thing…though utterly unimaginable until that moment since I had spent most of my life buying love by bending over backward and banking self-worth by ensuring my indispensability and irreplaceability.
So in that moment what surprised me most is that instead of feeling FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) I felt liberated!
I thought to myself: So this is what happens when we make a conscious choice to change on our own terms, in our own time. This is what happens when we rock our own foundation before it rocks us. This is what happens when we take life into our own hands, knowing that every choice we make today has the power to propel us into the future we most desire. This is what happens when we are in alignment and integrity with our truth. This is freedom.
I got it right away.
When I took that same stage later in the afternoon for my keynote, I immediately felt free to let go of any fear, insecurity, doubt that had been holding me back and I jumped in to claim the present moment in service of my future–so that I can ultimately be of more service to you.
Isn’t it time to release the old identities, labels, costumes that you’ve been clinging to and make room for the new?
Isn’t it time to jump?
In July, I spent four days in Santa Fe marinating with five other magnificent women in the magical Gail Larsen’s Transformational Speaking immersion.
From morning til night we dug deep together, excavating our own interior landscape which led to unearthing our core message and original medicine. We experimented and explored new ways of delivering our singular stories – signature, and never before told – from our Home Zone™ instead of our comfort zone.
The experience was truly transformative for me on many levels, as a speaker of course, but perhaps most profoundly as an opportunity to claim my own light in a safe, supportive collaborative community of loving, dynamic, powerhouse, passionate, zillion-watt women. And truly feel welcomed as one of them.
Following our final session and private lunch on the last day, DJ Gail proceeded to play “theme songs” she had picked out for us. Honoring us one by one, she also had us write love letters to each woman as her song was playing. I was overcome with emotion as I got to shower these divine darlings with love.
We finally parted, after the tears and hugging were complete, each of us taking our love notes with us.
I heard a quiet voice inside me say, “Don’t read these now. Let’s save them for when we really need them.”
The next day I drove back to Boulder and when I got home I tucked them away safely to wait for the right time, and in the eight weeks that have passed there was only one day I thought about reading them.
I’ve been preparing for my first talk since the immersion – a keynote next weekend at I Can Do It! New York. Also my first Hay House event as “just” an author and speaker.
After working on my talk this morning for a few hours, I headed out on gorgeous sunny, summery 8-mile hike. As I was almost home I heard that same quiet voice say, “Today. Let’s read the love letters today.”
I found myself transported back in time to the sound of my theme song playing as I fully breathed in and received the heart transmissions from my beauties.
The timing was perfect. I’m glad I waited and savored them. And now I’m grateful that I can read them whenever I want, as often as I choose.
It got me thinking. Who else in my life do I want to write a love letter to? Who do I want to gift with a secret weapon of love and light, reflecting their infinite luminosity and fabulosity right back at them, to be wielded whenever they need to be reminded?
Who in your life do you want to write a love letter to?
I’m writing mine. Are you writing yours?
For as long as I can remember, the tooth just off to the right of my two front teeth has been dark and discolored. In every photo of myself (that’s not magically retouched) it’s always been the very first thing I see if I’ve somehow forgotten to smile with my mouth closed. I’ve received plenty of commentary from others over the years–ranging from “the imperfection of it makes you more human, more beautiful” to “you’re too beautiful to have an ugly tooth.” And of course my dentist had urged me to let her make me color-matched composite crown. The truth is that while I was self-conscious about it, I’d basically just gotten used to it and couldn’t be bothered to be so vain to do anything about it.
In July I’d made a commitment to myself to get some outstanding necessary dental work done before the end of August. So, as long as I was at it, I decided to go for that crown. At first I was totally turned off by how labor-intensive the process was for a low-maintenance girl like me. But just a few weeks and several appointments later I walked out of there with a brand new smile that I couldn’t have possibly imagined the impact of.
This summer I’ve spent a lot of time out on the trails by my home in Boulder. I’m someone who says “Hi!” to everyone I see while I’m hiking or running. Until I had my new tooth, I hadn’t even consciously realized that I’d long adapted to a default move immediately after smiling–close my lips as quickly as possible to hide that tooth! But now, I find myself looking for opportunities to flash my wide toothy grin and let it stay out in the open.
Fixing my tooth was a transcen-dental lesson in self-care, self-love, self-esteem and liberation!
I refuse to waste a moment beating myself up for not doing this any sooner, instead I’m looking at the other things in my life that I’ve tolerated out of fear or laziness or lack of believing the change would actually be worth it, or that I’m worth it!
I wonder if there’s something you’ve been putting off that would make you feel better about yourself. It’s time now to stop hiding and take action!
Tell me, what’s the one change you’re ready to make? I want to know and would love for you to join the conversation with me on Facebook!
A few weeks ago, one of the women in my Jump! Coaching Group posted on our private Facebook page about recurring pain she’d been having in her hips.
She wrote: “For the past year, every time I come close to a breakthrough or some type of growth, I get terrible pain in my hips. At first I thought it was a coincidence. The 7th time this happened I still found myself justifying it or making excuses for it. After last night’s group coaching call there is absolutely no denying that this has true connection to my moving forward, or attempting to. Instantly, when I was visualizing what I shared, the pain appeared in my hips. It is still here now and I am amazed that the body can react physically to such fear/resistance. In Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life, she explains that pain in your hips is fear of moving forward! I am living proof that this is the absolute truth! Be aware of your pain girls! Fascinating!”
Almost immediately several others chimed in – with hip pain of their own!!!
I posted right away: “Would you all believe that I too have been having left hip pain throughout this summer, for the first time in my life! It’s been going in and out but I can’t ignore it since I know from hanging at Hay House and with Louise all these years that it’s much more. So I of course consulted Louise’s Heal Your Body App (see picture) and Louise herself! She reminded me that when we don’t listen to all the whispers and we ignore all the signals, the body will take us out so that we have to pay attention.”
Here we all were, about to make our big jumps and we were face to face with our resistance — our “Fear of going forward in major decisions. Nothing to move forward to.” And this is precisely why “Honor Your Resistance” is the step right before “Jump!”
I always say that your body is the barometer of your truth. Instead of fighting the fear and resistance, invite it in, talk to it, and then be quiet and listen, your body will guide you through the portal so just surrender and allow. When I did this, opening up to see what my hip had to teach me, I became acutely aware of the accelerated change I was in the midst of and began to experience and accept it as mere growing pains. A small price to pay for launching myself full-throttle into the life of my dreams.
And so I jumped and left my job! My hip pain is still present, sporadically, and I now see it as a reminder that I’m in still in transition. I’m living in the liminal space between no longer and not yet, while fully trusting that it can take time to firmly root that suspended step. And I’m not going to rush it. I’m going to juice it and extract all there is to learn here along the way, enjoying every moment of the journey.
How can you reframe your pain? How can you see transition as an ally? What truth are you not listening to? What jump do you want to take?
Let me know. I want to hear from you.
This coming Sunday marks the end of an era. After twelve years as the Event Director at Hay House, I’m officially passing the baton (to the much-deserving Mollie Langer!) and taking a leap of faith out into the world…as ME!!!
In many ways this feels like the most significant jump I’ve made to date. Bigger than leaving my marriage, actually. Although it wouldn’t even have been a glimmer in my eye, let alone a reality, had I not taken that first all-important step allowing it to catapult me into the unknown. The woman I am today has everything to do with saying yes to uncertainty, and fully accepting my hand in orchestrating all the relationships, events and circumstances in my life in order to extract the wisdom I specifically came into this lifetime to learn. Leaving my marriage was a conscious decision to no longer live in reaction or response to anyone or anything else, to taking the plunge into living on my own terms, finally honoring my own desires. A massive lesson I am eternally grateful for.
Leaving my position at Hay House bears a different gift. Trust me, the journey to quitting my dream job hasn’t been easy. This decision has been two years in the making.
The idea was just a scary little spark back in August 2012 when on a walk in Melbourne, Australia, my close friend – and President/CEO of Hay House – Reid Tracy said to me, “It’s not about your indispensability at work. It’s about your irreplaceability as a human.” Woah. He was right. It’s about who I am, not what I do. I had been living in a long-running story that everyone loved me because of what I did for them.
Really immersing myself in the truth that people love me simply because I am me – that each of us are loved because of our own singular exquisite brilliance – was a complete game-changer. I finally clearly saw the way I had been running myself ragged using all my people-pleasing and perfectionism as the currency with which I was buying love and attention. And then I stopped. And I was still loved. Actually, I was loved even more than before because I had surrendered to the genuine flow instead of my old means of chasing. It was a revelation.
Having spent the last few years in deep inquiry, excavating my interior landscape, I’ve discovered that honoring my authenticity and vulnerability by saying yes to what I most desire, while welcoming all the unforeseen gifts, opportunities and surprises as well, is a profound act of self-love.
All of this gives me the courage to answer the call and say yes to fully immerse myself in coaching, writing, speaking, teaching – serving from front and center now instead of from backstage.
I am profoundly grateful to the magnificent souls I have drawn into my life who always hold me at my highest and reflect my bright shining light back to me, especially when I need to be reminded of it the most. #youknowwhoyouare
I know I am not alone. Fully supported by Louise and Reid and the entire Hay House clan, as well as my family and close friends, I now step out to take my place and claim my space in the world. As me. And I now know that’s enough and all I need to be.
The last words that my dear friend and mentor, the late Debbie Ford, ever said to me were: “Go live your life. Don’t work yourself to death. I love you, babydoll.”
I echo her words: Live your life—the one you were meant to live.
What will you say YES to today?
This week we focus on what comes after the jump, making a graceful exit. It’s in this liminal space – between no longer and not yet – where self-love, self-acceptance and self-forgiveness is most critical.
And with the death of Robin Williams last week reverberating around the world, there’s no better way we can honor his passing than to reach out in connection, slow down to take the time and space we need for processing, and create practices for falling in love with ourselves and honoring our self-care.
This past Friday was gorgeous and sunny Boulder, as usual. At 4pm, after my last coaching client of the day, I took a moment to check in and see what I wanted to do. I had been going so hard and so fast for days…weeks…months…years really. Even with having built in more “me” time, regularly running, hiking, reading and writing, what I discovered was that more than anything else in that moment, I just wanted to lay on my bed.
I had never ever allowed myself to lie down in the middle of the day. Actually I had never even allowed myself to want to do such an irresponsible, lazy thing! But, thanks to all the work I’ve done around owning the qualities in myself that I had previously rejected and projected out onto others, on Friday my proudly irresponsible lazy self curled up on my comfy bed and put on a movie. In the middle of the afternoon. In minutes I was bawling my eyes out. When the movie ended, I was a little hungry so made myself some dinner and then settled back in and put on another movie. Soon I was crying again. And then I did the unthinkable! I put on a third movie! I can’t even believe I’m telling you this! And yes, again, waterworks!
What I began to realize that so many incredible opportunities were rapidly presenting themselves to me lately. So much good. My cup runneth over. And so much change too. I desperately needed a self-induced crash so that something else wouldn’t come along and crash me unexpectedly. I also needed the purge, the release, and the replenishing that can only come from catharsis. I went to sleep with gratitude for listening to my heart and allowing myself to have exactly what I most desired. No guilt, no shame, no resistance, only sweet surrender. The graceful exit. The gateway to rejeuvenation.
Just as we honored our resistance a few steps ago, we must also take the time to honor all that has brought us to this very moment. I would never have become the person I am today without every single one of the experiences I’ve had. Even – perhaps especially – the most difficult ones. If my now ex-husband hadn’t ever read my journals, I have no doubt that I would have stayed in my marriage – sleepwalking through my old life, silently giving my power away, trying to buy love in any way possible. I wouldn’t have published two books, I wouldn’t be a Certified Integrative Coach with a vibrant practice in service of guiding others to live in alignment with their truth, I wouldn’t be sharing my story on stage before thousands as a beacon for others to hone and own the courage and strength it takes to propel themselves powerfully forward in their lives, and I most certainly wouldn’t be leaving my day job at Hay House to venture out on my own! That original journal-reading crisis opened the door to everything else that has happened since, most of which has been wonderful beyond anything I could ever have imagined. Including falling in love, and then ultimately leaving still in love, when we both knew it was the only way for each of us to honor our truths.
Sometimes the emotions are overwhelming. The grief can be intense. We may know it isn’t about wanting to go back to our old selves, yet it can still be confusing.
By embracing the grief we discover that when we allow the visceral reminders to be present, we can more easily move through the emotions and emerge without fighting with them. When we fight, on the other hand, the feelings seem to linger and fester. It takes much more work to hold our painful emotions at bay than it does to let them flow. It’s the “core dump” of emotions that allows us to transition.
It’s during the transitional, liminal space of the graceful exit that we detach from the old and cross the threshold into our new worlds, even if we haven’t yet fully made sense of everything that got us here. This period of time might feel like the void, but it’s allowing us to digest and integrate as we adjust to all that has happened, as well as what we desire to invite in.
This work of exiting, integrating, and entering by jumping again and again into the new is an integral part of the process. One jump down…many more to go…
In the wake of setting new boundaries, asking for help and honoring their resistance over the past several weeks, my Summer coaching group is now prepared to Jump!
Jumping is not only about letting go and leaving, but also about propelling ourselves toward the new—even when we don’t know exactly what the “new” will be! I had no idea what would be coming my way when I left my marriage. I’d been with this man for eighteen years, after all, and we not only lived together but also worked together. Our lives were completely intertwined. Who would I be on my own, without him? I could hardly imagine who this new me would be. It was like standing at the edge of a cliff so high that I couldn’t see the river down below.
And even now, as I embark upon my new jump – the days click down to leaving my position at Hay House at the end of this month – I am facing a vast difference between the Hay House Event Director Nancy Levin and the Coach, Author, Speaker Nancy Levin. Who will I be without my “day job” wrapped around me? What I’ve since discovered is that we’re constantly being pushed to the edge of that precipice, and the only thing to do is to muster enough faith to jump into the uncertainty. It’s in the unknown that possibility and opportunity live, and we must free the energy to make space for what is waiting to enter.
I know how scary that sounds, trust me. But isn’t it scarier to remain stuck in a life that you know for sure is no longer serving you? That’s certainly what I faced with my marriage. That life wasn’t working, but I was so afraid to let it go that for years I wouldn’t admit—not even to myself—how unhappy I truly was.
As I face this next change, even while my life still works this way, I know I cannot grow into all I am meant to be and stay in my job. It’s time to sever the full-time job chord and reach out with my own presence. I have done all I can here and am choosing expansion over stagnation. It’s time to let someone else step in and shine here, so I can leave the past me in service of the future me.
Fear may try to convince you that new equals bad and scary, yet in that place of not knowing anything can be born, everything can unfold. Uncertainty is thrilling and inspiring if you allow it to be.
Are you ready to jump? Tell me about it here!